So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
