I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
