you guys were way drunker than both of me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
