I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
