'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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