im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm bleeding and have questions
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
