did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
