I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hippo gnu deer
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
