you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize