READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
