So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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