I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize