i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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