I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
