woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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