id be glad to
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
