I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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