so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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