So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize