and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize