i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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