my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
