i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize