so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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