38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
