Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
