If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
