I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
