Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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