i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
