hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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