hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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