at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
