Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
