No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
