Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
