Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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