...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Too much gin, very little bucket
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
