Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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