she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
