my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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