Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
