so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I will be naked everywhere
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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