well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize