We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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