she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
