I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
