I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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