yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
