I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
