I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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