Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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