Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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