you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
