did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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