Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
