I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
