i'm lost and i look like a hooker
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
