Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
