I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
