I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We are all done wearing pants today
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
