i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
