Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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