We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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