It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
