Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize