True but thats because hes a fetus.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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